On aging

Growing up I was close to a lot of grown-ups, but very few ever confided their personal challenges with me, so although I knew my grandma and my great aunts, I never really knew how they felt about their lives. I might have had a better idea if my godmother had been able to come spend the three days by the pool visiting with me that we planned, but she died the day she was supposed to come. My mother died at 58 before I really thought about asking her the questions I would like to ask now. And even if I had, she didn't live long enough to experience some of them.

Like me, all these people were active in both their personal lives and community. They worked, played, volunteered and socialized. I come from a family where many of the people seem to grow old slower than other people.

We are not laid back easy going people, which can make us challenging to be around. We are passionate, all engines go people with good intentions and good hearts. Whatever those passions happen to be can make us difficult, but I believe they also keep us energetic and going.

But now, as I approach my seventieth birthday, I wish I could sit down with them and talk to them about how they felt at this age. Did it feel like they were approaching another mile marker? I have never really felt anything much as I transitioned from teens to twenties. I was not traumatized by turning thirty or forty. I was always too busy with life to care what the calendar said. Fifty was harder because I had just gotten divorced and was in uncharted territory and sixty was frightening because my new best friend was thirty years younger than me, but those all turned out better than good.

Now I'm a little concerned. I still feel good. I went out and hit tennis balls today. I get together with friends to play trivia, go to movies, play games, etc. I volunteer at the school and am considering another volunteer position for this winter. I'm going to Alabama to walk my friend's dog while he's in Italy and I even do a little book editing for Bestest. But I have to go to the doctor to refill my blood pressure medicine this month and I am afraid, because doctors are downers. It is their job to look for what is wrong with me instead of celebrating what is right and I know once I get sucked down that tube I will age quickly.

I think I would prefer to die a few years earlier than live forever dealing with medical problems. Long term suffering is not my idea of being productive or happy, but I wish I could count on the medical profession to guarantee they would keep me from suffering unduly and let me exit with dignity.