Ageing

One of my personal greatest fears is that someday someone will decide I am not capable of living on my own and put me somewhere where I will be at the mercy of people who do not really know how I feel.

After all it is difficult to understand another's real feelings and add that to the fact that the one in charge is doing a job makes it more about them than me.

I suffer from incredible itching right now. I have always been prone to that, but sometimes it is worse. If it is not dealt with I think I might go crazy. I cannot imagine the torture of being tied to a chair because I was scratching and finding no relief.

I frankly would rather be dead than in a nursing home.

I remember living in a dormitory at university. I was so homesick and life was so sterile for that first year, but at least I had the hope and thoughts of the future to get me through. A nursing home is hopeless. The only way out is to die.

I'm doing the best I can to stay physically and mentally alert and it is relatively easy right now, but I don't know how it will be in my nineties.