Feelings

The old world way of doing things was to buy, or make, something very dear and expect to hand it down to the generations following you. That makes a lot of sense and is ideal for sentimental people.

Every time they sit on that Victorian horse hair sofa they feel wrapped up in the scratchy arms of Great Grandma Eloise and every time they walk barefoot across Nanny's green wool carpeting they think of all the people who have walked there before them.

My ex doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body. My son recently found out he sold a family heirloom, a buffet hand carved by his great great grandfather around 1814. Evidently he got rid of it for a pittance, along with the Lincoln rocker his grandmother rocked his mother in and she rocked him in and I rocked our children in. Everyone had always assumed these would be moved to my son's home one day, but he didn't want to ask for them before his time. So much for tact and caring.

I fall somewhere in between these two extremes.

I would never move "home" to live in the Big House, but I would never sell family heirlooms either. I might give them to other family members, or store them somewhere. I probably wouldn't keep them in my house too long anymore. My apartment is small and one of the great joys in my life is rearranging and redoing it.

But being part of a family means being aware of the others' feelings.