Creativity

I have a distorted view of my life. Today I thought, what if I quit volunteering and my next thought was, what if I can't afford not to volunteer? What? Wait!

That brings up all kinds of interesting questions. Like in what ways does volunteering feed into my life? Does it just keep me busy, or does it make me feel useful, or is it a social outlet, another way to be creative?

Yes.

Everything I do in my life is like this. I am an integrated being who loves to be creative.

Always being me. Always watching me. I am probably more fascinating to me that I could ever be to the rest of the world.

I read the menu, but I never know what I will order until I open my mouth and hear what comes out. I sit down every night and look at a blank page in my drawing book until I draw something. I type words on the computer until my thot emerges. I live in an eleven by thirty foot studio apartment that is in a constant state of flux.

When we built our dream house and finally moved in I was so depressed. I'd dreamed and planned and drawn it my entire life and here it was. Done to perfection. Done! Done? done

Same thing with my dollhouse, but I've learned since then. I don't want it to be finished. I like things perfectly unfinished. I like works in progress. I love change.

And yet I need the exact right amount of routine to make all that feel secure, so maybe volunteering and a few good people are my anchors in this world.