The question is

I hit a milepost today.

I was happy, but also found myself wary and scared.

What if I can't maintain this way of eating for the rest of my life?

Will I be doomed to continue this awful cycle of losing weight, feeling good about myself, gaining weight, feeling awful and doing it all over again and again?

I feel more hopeful than usual this time, because I am actually eating food I love. That makes it easier.

I am also facing horrible consequences if I fail. Type two diabetes can mean losing toes, feeling sick, dying a long slow horrible death that slowly eats me alive because I can't control my eating. At least if I eat healthier I am doing the best I can.

Tomorrow I have blood tests drawn. Friday I talk to the doctor.

I'm almost holding my breath.