Wondering dreams

I am an acolyte for a very compact church. The priest and the choir stand on a set of wooden risers that cannot accommodate the acolytes. We stand to the left, each of us on a maple captain's chair, like the children we are, but performing adult rituals. Instead of candles, we carry rectangular lanterns because this is the church of light and I know I will need this white light soon and it won't matter who or where the priest and choir are.

I am being sent to Russia where my husband is an American businessman. The people at the airports are very friendly to me. There must be something about me that attracts their attention. I don't know what it is, but I am grateful, because it is a long trip to an unknown place.

I land and he takes me to our home, but we arrive just in time for him to leave for work and so I am left alone to look around.

It is dark outside so the lights are on, mostly bare incandescent yellowish bulbs on shiplap ceilings. The walls are a combination of shiplap and crumbling plaster.  There is a yellowing kitchen at the back and I go out onto the closed-in porch behind it, but I can't see anything in the dark. The middle room is both our bedroom and the living room. It's walls are also crumbling plaster, faded dark crimson this time. There is one small room off of this one and I think there is room for the children there. Then I wonder where they are? Why aren't they here now?

I leave through the front door and find myself on another small porch which is also glassed in. The door here is open and I try to shut and lock it, but it won't stay shut or locked.  I think we are so far north that there are probably bears around here and try once more to lock the door.  Then I am panicked. The glass really won't stop bears anyway. I go back inside and shut the big door. Now I am glad the children are not here. This house won't keep out bears who really want in.

Sitting on the bed. All alone. I try to make sense of all of this.  I try to think good thoughts about it.  But I wonder how I got myself into it and I wake up so depressed.