Plaaaaaay ball

Baseball is about to make a change in the way they play. If it passes, a pitcher will simply signal to the umpire that he intends to walk a batter and he will no longer have to throw the four balls outside the designated area,

A little shortcut that I'm sure has all kinds of connotations attached to it, but among other things, it means there will be no chance of a really good batter making a magnificent hit.

It seems our world is changing values faster than most of us can plan next year's vacation and it makes me ask, why do baseball games exist?

In theory because people like to play in them, or watch them, but I think we're getting closer to the new bottom line - so owners can make money.

Eventually we could find ourselves relating to a baseball game in a radically new way.  It will be more of a paper chase than a ball game. Someone will figure the odds for both teams, there will be a few adjustments here and there, bets will be placed and maybe a token batter or two will step up to the plate. You might even continue to sell tickets and those expensive hot dogs and drinks.

It will be a game for a sports enthusiast who likes betting on the odds, but shorter and sweeter for the owner.

A real American Horror Story

Imagine spending your whole life surrounded by enough money to buy yes men from your nanny on.

Your education is a blur. What tutors can't do, Daddy pays for.

Your future is secure because your mistakes can be thrown away and a good cleaning crew keeps the business up and running.

Your magic mirrors are everywhere, polished with greenbacks on a regular basis, they reflect exactly what you want to hear.

You get what you want and want what you get. Life is good!

Then, at an age when most people retire into the bliss of a life well lived, you are faced with truth for the first time.

No more magic mirrors, just plain old horrifying truth.

It can't be true!

Principles

I was talking to a family member on Saturday. He feels completely exonerated from all the political turmoil right now because, as he proudly told me, "I did not vote."

He then went on to say he would never, NEVER have voted for Hilary. He wouldn't, or couldn't, say why, but he was convinced that not voting for Hilary and not voting at all left him blame free for Trump being elected, not that he felt Trump was all that bad, but, after all, he didn't do anything at all.

He said if he had voted he would have written himself in because he didn't like any of those politicians, especially not Hilary. He was proud of his actions.

He did not see that by not voting for Hilary he was giving Trump one more chance to win. He stood up for his principles.

Countries on not governed on principles alone. They are governed by people who take command through elections and no matter what you do when that election comes round, you are part of it.

Today

A reprint from an old post that seemed relevant today.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

 

Changes 

 

I can't change the weather, or the news that comes through the television.

I can't change your favorite color, or make the neighbor's dog stop barking.

I can't do a million and one things, maybe even more, but there is one thing I can do.

I can decide how I will spend the next five minutes and after that I can make a decision on the the next five. Sometimes I can do this for a whole day. Sometimes I can't.

Sometimes I have to do what you want, but then I still have the option of choosing how I feel about that. It's one of my little pleasures in life -- feeling good in the moment.

Somehow that makes up for all the things I can't do.

Grow up before it's too late

Americans need to grow up.

The behavior elementary schools refuse to tolerate in their classrooms and on their playgrounds has become standard protocol for the upper echelons in this country.

A huge trend toward making decisions based on vague assumptions and hearsay.

Bullies who try to limit the freedom of other students just because they can.

Promoting scapegoating instead of fixing the problem.

Crossing your fingers behind your back when you tell a lie and therefore making it okay.

Secretly doing anything and just waiting to see if you get caught before deciding if it is right or wrong.

How can any intelligent person believe this is viable?

Doing not doing

In the grand scheme of things it is generally not the doing of things that's hardest for me.

I can usually muster up the strength to do the things that need doing.
.
Write a little more.

Read a bit further.

Even walk a little longer.

But doing the thing I need to not do?

That's hard.

Not eating another bite.

Not letting my thoughts carry me away.

Remembering not to breathe fast.

It's not the doing that is hard.

It's the not doing.

A better way

Sometimes it is important to make changes.

Just shake things up . . .

Try a new combination . . .

A new way of putting the same old things together . . .

And being open to whatever happens.

What's the matter with kids today

Kids today are pretty much like kids down through the centuries.

They are the product of parents and caretakers whose priorities vary from people fascinated and focused on giving them what they need, healthy routines that include bedtimes, good food and a working knowledge of how manners make life better, to children raised like family pets. They are fed, tolerated and used for amusement when it's convenient.

That in and of itself creates huge gaps in the possibilities for success. Now add in the poverty that leaves some parents bereft of any energy to do much more than survive once they get home from exhausting low wage jobs and you have more problems.

I saw a bumper sticker on a truck the other day. It said, My Soldier Protects Your Honor Student. The fact that this man felt they were mutually exclusive is sad.

I see children in elementary school who already identify teachers and school as the enemy, someone to be tricked and avoided as much as possible when most teachers I know work as hard as they know how to help all their students succeed.

We need to rethink a society that feels some of its children are expendable, because they grow up to be the parents of the next generation of children and on and on and on . . .

Moving

My sister is considering moving after she retires, so I've been doing some research.

The elderly need to consider things like grocery stores, doctors, vets if you have pets, and even entertainment.  Living twenty miles away from these things can be a huge challenge if there is no public transportation, or the weather is bad, or gas prices shoot up.

And then there is the matter of who you hang out with. How often will you want to get together and how far apart do you want to live.

And finally there is safety. Crime rates for nearly every town are available online, but there are other contingencies.

We know how to deal with Vampires. If you don't invite them in, they can't invade your home. And if they do get in you can keep them at bay with holy water, a cross, or even kill them with silver bullets.

But what about those people who don't wait to be invited in? The ones who feel entitled to everything you have and feel free to simply take it. The ones who have invaded your home again and again over the years. You might want to put a little more space between them and you.

A smart move requires a lot of consideration.

Who am I

Most of us do not think of ourselves as bad people and we aren't, but neither are we usually quite as good as we think we are either.

Little caches of ego balm are produced and distributed in nearly any group of like minded people.

A little dab will do you! It doesn't take much to make fitting in less painful. The pain comes when we remove the rose colored glasses and see the truth of our being.

Christians who love comfort more than Christ. Political people who love the pomp and circumstance just a bit more than their constituents. Teachers who walk a thin line between the school board and reality. Doctors and nurses who go to work and forget it's not just a job. There are as many reasons as there are people for fooling ourselves.

And while it's not really okay, we need the ego balm to get us over a temporary hump. Only when we subscribe for automatic delivery is there real cause for concern, because like any addiction, it feels so good to be GOOD that we begin walking over our responsibilities instead of through them.

And then we only know what we are -- not who.

An occasion

Sometimes people are so different it is difficult to believe they are the same species.

One person's idea of a wonderful evening is spending time one on one, or maybe with a couple of other people so they can really delve into whatever they are interested in, be it book, or movie, or whatever.

Another person's idea of a wonderful evening is a room full of people, a lot of people, the more the merrier.  I am not one of these people so it is hard for me to explain why. Perhaps it is the energy of a large group, or perhaps it relieves the responsibility of feeling the need to speak up and be heard because there are so many others talking.

The first group tends to feel stuffy to the second and the second often annoys the first, but they are okay together for short social occasions -- on occasion.

Are you being served

Once upon a time the world suspended all belief in truth and reality.

It decided that people could make up stories and they would come true, so there was no more need to worry about anything!

And if this wasn't supported by science, or facts of any sort, that was okay, because now the greatest country in the world had a fairy godfather.

He could tweet miracles twenty four hours a day and make them so by the magic in his fingers.

Unfettered by laws, rules, or ethics, he promised to serve the rich and feed the poor . . .

Ummm, feed the poor to whom?

Mind reading

I used to wonder why life seemed so simple to some people while it often felt quite complicated to me.

A teacher would hold up a picture and issue directions. I would wonder which of three ways I was supposed to follow them, while many others appeared to know right off the bat.

In school, thinking outside the box was only appreciated by certain teachers. The others preferred that you learned to read their minds. Fortunately those minds got easier to read as I grew older.

A terrible legacy

Imagine a young pregnant girl who is being let down by people who are supposed to be protecting her.

A young girl who was in eighth grade a year ago has grown up being passed from one relative to another as her mother makes excuses for why this is s good thing. The summer before her last year of school, the mother once more sends her off. This time she sends her to live with a biological father and others who really don't want her while her mother goes back home with her husband and his children. The step father loves this child as his own, but lets the mother take the lead since it is her daughter.

The girl is lonely and homesick and ends up getting pregnant.

So what does the family do? They put her on a bus and send her to live alone in a rented house in the same town as her step grandmother. The reason this time is that it will enable her to finish school. As if there are no schools near the mother, or the mother cannot come live with her now that she is pregnant.

The girl gets some money from her family and the grandmother,  and eventually ends up moving in with the step grandmother because she is emotionally way too young to live on her own, but she works hard to finish school and makes plans to give the baby up for adoption to a loving couple through an adoption agency.

Now, suddenly, this child, who has never had a job and only finished school because the school jumped her from middle school to senior year in special education, has decided to keep the baby. Her mother promises to help her for only one year then she is on her own.

Anyone who has ever had a baby to care for knows how difficult that first year is. Believing this child mother (who is 18 in years only)  can be expected to care for her baby and find a way to support them both in twelve months knows how unlikely it is to be a success story. At best she will follow in her mother's footsteps and keep dropping her baby into other people's nests while it is growing up.

Her greatest skill is dressing herself up and looking pretty. This baby is not a doll for her to dress up and make pretty. In the beginning it will be exciting because people will give her lots of pretty baby things, but eventually it will be her and a crying, wet, smelly baby trying to pinch enough pennies to eat. She will be exhausted, frustrated, and trapped and two lives will be horrifically handicapped.

All because no one kept reinforcing what a magnificent and wonderful thing she was doing when she was picking out parents (who could afford to care for her baby and wanted to do so more than anything in the world.) Instead they kept showing her sonograms and telling her how few girls did it and telling her she didn't have to give it up. It was up to her.

And it is, but the loving thing would be to do what her own mother never did.  Instead of an extremely hard life that will leave her own child as bereft of a future as she has been, she could have given it almost everything she ever dreamed of.

Happy Valentine's Day

What does that mean?

The simple answer is it is buying disposable gifts like candy and flowers that are precious because they bring momentary joy and then are gone! Precious is often associated with rare or fleeting things. Enjoy them while they last, because good things don't last forever.

A more traditional answer is celebrating a relationship that makes you feel good. Sharing the joy of each other, the hugs, the kisses, the feel good moments of knowing you are there to rub each others backs and affirm each others actions.

And finally there is the truly precious form of love where you are willing to sacrifice momentary pleasures and one long string of feel good moments to bring long lasting security, contentment and independence for a loved one whether you are there or not, whether you have them, or not -- because you truly care.

Most people

Be careful when people tell you most people don't do something.

Because while it's true most people don't do bad things, many people don't do the right things -- the hard things -- the noble things.

The heroes in this world do things others are afraid to even try, or think about.

The greatest people make hard decisions and do them out of the greatest love for mankind, their children and themselves.

So be careful when people tell you most people won't do something -- when they whisper in your ear to do the easy thing, the selfish thing, the thing you know isn't right, -- because most people do it.

That is temptation in its worst form beckoning to you from beyond the garden's gate.

Mothers and daughters

Little things often seem to mark the turning points of our lives.

When my daughter came to me and said she was having trouble reading, because the letters were getting blurry I realized that at 44 she probably was starting to feel the effects of age. I explained that many people began to need glasses around her age.

I encouraged to her make an appointment with my eye doctor and then I took her to buy reading glasses.

Tonight it just occurred to me that this is one of the first times we have connected in this way. In the past I have felt an edge of irritation when she complained of some problem or difficulty. 

Then it occurred to me that maybe it isn't always necessary to have a role model for everything.

My mother didn't like weakness of any sort and she was not sympathetic when I felt bad. She often made me feel guilty for being sick, or less than perfect.

 But my mother died before I was my daughter's age, so I have no role models for the rest of our experiences together. It was nice to feel loving and helpful this time and I hope our relationship continues on in this direction.

Seconds

There is nothing more magical, more mysterious, more incomprehensible than love.

There are those who believe that souls are split apart at the start of creation and spend eternity seeking to be reunited.

Yet my experience is different.

One on one was too simple for the gods, too unimaginative, too flat and unreal.

It is the loving that is sacred and perfect and beautiful.

Loving is the ability to act lovingly, to grow and bloom in love, even when the loving thing to do is the most difficult one of all.

Because everything else comes in second.

Peace of mind

It is important to find comfort wherever it lands.

Yesterday my cat, Annabel, landed in my lap and instead of jumping off and running away, she stayed there.

Not only did she stay there, but she let me pet her a little and so, I chose to stay there in that chair enjoying a rare moment of connection and peace.

It stretched out into nearly two hours and it seemed totally right to stay there and enjoy it.

Not only was I affirming her trust in me, but I was recharging my peace of mind.

In spite of the Republicans

The slightest step in the right direction boosts my spirits.

During a period in history where the Republicans are desperately trying to take away much of what we gained during the past years of struggling for true equality, it can feel terrifying and frustrating.

I take a shaky breath of relief when I see our judicial branch is still allowed to do its job.

Christians

Remember that old commercial where they said you can't fool Mother Nature?

Christians need to remember their favorite Bible stories about Jesus and then ask themselves, who would I be in that story? Where do my actions fall in this story? Would Jesus do what I do?

You cannot justify your actions and tweak them a bit here or there. It is what it is.

Do you feed the hungry, care for the sick, love your neighbor as yourself?

Or do you surreptitiously plan your life around convenience, getting the most for your buck at any cost, and making others pay for your fears and greed?

Because Christianity is ultimately between you and God and you can't fool God.

Sowing

We reap what we sow.

Life is one long journey and even with all the little side trips, our life reflects who we are.

In the end the reality of it settles down and creates a firmament.

The real reality. Not some romantic version we cooked up in our head, or what we meant to do.

Good deeds done with passive aggressive feelings are not so good.

Acts that we pass off as loving, but really just make us feel better, are not so good either.

Our actions, our intentions, our reality, all count.

Forgiveness is good for the forgiver, but it does not excuse those who misuse others. They still carry the responsibility for their actions and must find their own redemption.

We reap what we sow, so sow good things.

Feelings

How do you feeeeel?

If we really stopped to consider that, imagine the problems that might be avoided.

Because uncomfortable feelings can be so easily misinterpreted and people react without thinking.

And - feelings change quicker than lightning on a stormy night.

Not to mention your reactions might collide with the reactions of the person whose feelings are entangled with yours.

And a new cold war is born.
 
When it could have been a small fireworks display, or perhaps an important and deeply loving conversation.

Theory vs reality

It is one thing to believe something in theory, but the practice of it becomes increasingly difficult when it actually comes to pass.

In theory we should all be allowed to end our days the way we choose.

But when our lifestyle affects other people it matters.

No one should be driving a car if they fall asleep, or have dizzy spells. A car is a powerful lethal weapon if it spins out of control and hits someone.

Also, living with other people requires that everyone in the house not endanger the others. Violent fits, smoking, being unsafe in the kitchen or garage is not an option.

Beyond that I believe people should have the right to refuse medical treatment and be allowed to live in their own home as long as they have the cognitive ability to insist upon it.

The quality of life is more important than our desire to keep loved ones alive and safe.

That doesn't mean people won't have to make changes, or compromises. Visiting nurses, spending time at senior citizen centers, and utilizing other services may become necessary, because it is also important that caretakers have peace of mind and a life of their own too.

Reality seldom fits as painlessly and conveniently into plans as theories.

Terror

Bad dreams can be so awful they put a pall over a whole day.

Dreams so real that I cannot imagine knowing them without experiencing them.

Yet I did.

Dreams so traumatic that it is vital for me to remember they are not real.

I cannot think of a movie, television show, or book that could have precipitated last night's dream, but I know it never happened to me.

What I don't know is how every experience in it was so real in every sense. I can still feel everything in it, even now. I remember the smells, the touch, the terror and futility.

It makes me wonder.

Right now

I hear that, in the last election, many people voted for the person they thought would bring them the most material gain.

My father once told me that given a choice, to have money or not, it was always easier with money than without. Thank God he did not say money is the best thing to have -- because it is not.

Money never gave me security in my marriage. In fact it was the cause of much of our insecurity because my husband worshiped gold like only King Midas could.

Money cannot buy life for a dying child, or feed a starving person if there is no food to buy. Money cannot buy respect, or intelligence, or even love.

Money can smooth the way if you are kind and thoughtful and empathetic and the world still has what you need to buy.

Right now, even  though I want to hurl invective s at Trump and those people who voted him into office, I know that is neither right, nor particularly useful.

Instead of wasting our time trying to making ourselves feel better, perhaps it is time to start making sure more Democrats win the next elections.

If that happens we will feel better.

Living the dream

My father was my first hero and that sort of set the bar for the rest of my life.

I dreamed of growing up to be him.

I fell far short of that, but after what has to be at least two thirds of my life has passed, I am closer than I have ever been.

I am as close to living the dream as I believe I ever will be.

Being retired allows me room to do the things I love and I have become pretty good at weeding out things that don't fall neatly into that category.

I volunteer in an elementary school library. I love everything about that job.

When I go home I can read what I please for myself, or a book club filled with women I admire. I can read first hand archival papers, or listen to tapes while I transcribe them for Bestest, a highly respected professor in his own right, and the people he interviews who are awe inspiring. Another friend calls to keep me updated on local play writing and production which is often pretty impressive. And my son calls to talk about books and plays and the musicians my grandson has the good fortune to rub shoulders with.

Sometimes I barely have time to do the usual things I do in the evening, like writing My Thots.

What a blessing.

Prize winners

I was flipping through channels looking for something to watch when I came across a funniest video show.  I remember when I found them hilarious.

Tonight I noticed they are mostly pretty awful examples of dangerous and mean spirited tricks that could have potentially harmed someone. Not the accidental videos of the past. Tonight it was people tying firecrackers to the legs of unsuspecting people, refrigerator doors falling off and causing an old man to tumble across the room and fall hard, and a young boy terrorized by his mother making him believe he would be arrested for bringing his glass from the restaurant where they had been eating. The last one did win the big prize, but . . .

I remember a few years ago when some talk show host encouraged people to give their children awful gifts and video the results. How hard is it to make children feel bad and cry?

Perhaps Trump really does represent America. A country where people simply react or go for that momentary instant of being noticed at any cost and anyone's expense.

When did kindness and consideration become the object of weakness and scorn? When did a good education equate with simply making money? When did we decide to let applause designate the right or wrongness of our actions?