Going home

I was sharing my most recent dreams with Bestest today and he pointed out that they both ended with me trying to go home.

It occurs to me that many of my worst dreams end with me trying to do that and it has been that way for almost as long as I can remember.

I am always lost, or struggling to find my way, or overcome some obstacle so that I can go home.

I don't remember having these dreams as a child until the summer I suffered an injury to my ankle while on vacation with my grandpop and his wife.  We were all at the lake house in Minnesota and I was stuck sitting on the dock swishing my sore ankle in the water.  I remember dreaming, one night,  that I was trying to walk up a huge hill in very deep snow to get home, but I was so tired I couldn't seem to get anywhere.

Homesick to the nth degree in college I expended enormous amounts of energy just trying to find a ride home for the weekend. Later, when I was married, I began having dreams of being lost in a big city at night and trying to find my way home.  It was always too far, or I was too tired, or home was just out of my reach!

Those dreams stopped for a while, but they have been coming more frequently during the past few years.  Obviously I am no longer a homesick child, or even adult.  I AM home. 

I am home most of the time, so the question becomes, what is home to me, why do I want so desperately to go home?