Faith

There is a tiny window where fighting the good fight makes sense.  Use it to get the attention of someone and then step back, because if who I am isn't enough, then no amount of fighting will make a difference in the long run.

I cannot make someone love me anymore than I can change the structure of my bones.  Love cannot be won, or bought, or inveigled in any way.  Trying to force love is counterproductive.  It is a waste of time and emotions.

There are all sorts of love, each one finding its own level in its own time, but if it is an eternal struggle I am in the wrong place.  I know.  I once spent over thirty years trying to find a lasting love that wasn't there.

I do believe that some love is beyond time and imagination.  It goes beyond the physical.  It is drawn to itself in spite of everything the world throws at it.  It can withstand life and sickness and even death.

Striving for something that isn't there makes me physically ill.  I don't need that.  I would like to say I don't want it either, but sometimes I do.  It takes a long time to have faith in such big things.