Should

My life always looks better in hindsight.  Not that it was better than now, but that it was better than I thought at the time.

Realizing this is a gift because it means I need to give myself a little more leeway right now.  I tend to downplay everything I do.  Part of it is truly that I was taught to be humble and not tempt the fates, but part of it is simply low self esteem.

Most of the people I know who have low self esteem try desperately to deny it.  We all run around over doing things, trying to make up for not being what we think we should be.

Should is a terrible task master.  She seldom says go to bed, rest, you are tired, or sick.  Instead she says, "Everyone would like to stay in bed. You aren't really sick, you should get up and get moving." Or she will whisper in my ear, "Don't stop, only lazy or fat people, stop.  You should keep going even if you can't breathe."

Should is a fourth generation family pet.  She may even be older than that.  Like a vampire she seems to be eternal, sucking the life out of people in order to survive.  And -- like a vampire -- she is especially pernicious, because she appears to have a solid foundation.

I need to find a way to step away from now and look back on it while it is going on, holding up a magic mirror so I can see that Should doesn't really exist. 

I am ousting the family pet.  She's not going to be in the picture anymore if I can help it.