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Unconditional love. A concept most of us have contemplated. Something I think most people would like to experience. An extreme that is for sure. Taken literally almost impossible and yet...

That infant I held in my arms, what wouldn't I have done for him? What wouldn't I do now? Did he ever fall from grace like the grown-ups fell when I turned eleven? Could that ever happen? I don't think so. I think that is about as close as anything I have ever experienced. Giving unconditional love, but I wonder, did it feel that way to him?

Was that sort of love ever given to me? It's hard to imagine even though I would like to think so.

Someone's been molding me, twisting me, trying to shape me and turn me into something "better" ever since I can remember. A better daughter. A better girl. A better student. A better girl friend, or wife, or lover, or friend. Even I am never satisfied with myself as I am. I don't think we really want unconditional love in our world.

Maybe we are afraid of it -- because if we get tired of someone and they're perfect what does that say about us? If we turn and walk away, or push someone away we want justification. There's always something lacking, something wrong, some imperfection that can grow up to fill the bill.

But I don't see it in that child. I love his foibles, his imperfections, his whole being. Change any of that and he won't be who he is.

I've always wanted someone to feel that way about me.

Now it seems possible, but the shameful truth is that now I am conditioned. I am trained. I know it isn't really possible. Eventually the truth will rise to the top and all my hidden imperfections will come bubbling up and I know no one could love those. Could they?

Maybe if I just don't change anything then everything will stay the same.

And maybe it will die of stagnation. Suffocate in fear instead of celebrating the moment and letting what will be -- be.

Unconditional love. It's not some extinct animal, some rare manifestation. It's a gift. One of those gifts that some people call blessings and others call an exaggeration. Still I want it. Not locked up behind some bars like the tigers in the zoo, but like that bear I saw ambling along beside the highway. Right there where anyone can see it, but free. Strong and real and unencumbered by fear or doubt. That's part of it. I want to be able to hug it as hard as I want and kiss it whenever I feel like it. I want to run around it without a thought and say the first thing that comes to my mind knowing that nothing will change, or if it does it will only become stronger.

Unconditional love.