Just shoot me!

 

I woke up before seven yesterday and my blood sugar had dropped down way too low overnight. Stumbling into the bathroom, I sat down and my toilet seat cracked in half! I went to my primary doctor which was relatively productive, then I went to the dentist, who pulled my tooth and put me on an antibiotic for an infection in the bone.

Wearing a face mask always throws me a little off balance. You'd think it was covering my eyes instead of my nose and mouth. I tripped when I got out of the dentist's chair and she grabbed my arm. 

"Are you okay" She asked.

"I just can't see." I said.

That got a pretty radical response until she realized I just meant I was clumsy with a mask on. I paid the dentist and came home, but my big toe which has gout from the nephrologist's insistence on me taking Lasix was so painful, even after a whole course of methylprednisolone, that I made an appointment with my podiatrist!

I am in a cast for several weeks with the hope of wearing some kind of special shoe after that!

I am not asking what next!

Instead I am laughing. What else could I do?

Survival

 

I have been feeling almost human again for the first time since going to the kidney doctor in May! Not that anything he did has anything to do with this. In fact, it is quite the opposite. 

My regular doctor just put me on a methylprednisolone pack and I am four days in. This is counteracting all the damage the other doctor did with his over zealous prescriptions. Thank god I did not let him do all the heart tests and other sonograms he wanted to perform on my legs!

I feel better than I have in months, but I go in to see my regular doctor Tuesday and I never underestimate the ability of a medical person to over react. I just have to be courageous enough to refuse.

In Illinois the fear of a medical mal practice suit is so great that doctors would rather kill you than take a chance on missing something.

I, on the other hand, believe there must be not only quantity of life, but quality. Ten years of the last two months would be grounds for suicide.

But maybe I will be surprised.

Maybe my regular doctor will turn out to be the person I thought she was when I first met her last Fall.

When it rains it pours

 

I have been on a medical roller coaster since May 11th when a kidney doctor I was referred to started me on four new prescription drugs all at once. 

In almost constant pain of one sort or another since then, the latest has been gout! I had it so I went off the offending drug and it went away. The doctor wanted me to retry the drug, but only take it three days a week. I did that and two weeks later came down with the worst case of gout in my big toe I could imagine. It's still there! It won't go away!

Now I have an appointment with my regular medical doctor next Tuesday. I am hoping to clear a lot of things up. I am only on one of the four new drugs the kidney doctor prescribed, but my blood pressure isn't any better and, theoretically that is why I was sent to him.

It's hard to know how accurate any of this is right now since I have lost over twenty pounds, had to go off the diabetic medicine I was on (But I am within pre-diabetic numbers) and someone requested that my 401K be dissolved in September! It wasn't me, so they are trying to figure out what is going on there.

So many issues in the air. 

So many unknowns.

Diabetes. Gout. Blood pressure. Financial security.

The pressure is almost unbearable.

Power

 

It is hard to stand my ground around people I see as power figures, especially doctors. My regular doctor seems to have both feet on the ground. My kidney doctor seems to be an awfulizer. 

No matter what I say to the kidney doctor, he hears a worst case scenario. He hears a murmur I've had all my life and says, "Heart problems! We need to do tests." I refuse. I tell him my toe is swollen from gout that I believe is from his diuretic and he says, "Your lower leg is swollen.  We need tests!" I refuse all but the labs.

I do have bad kidneys, but I do not need all the prescriptions he prescribed the first day I saw him. They produced side effects that have made me miserable for over two months. 

He adds so much stress to my life I think I'd be better off without him. 

Type 2 Diabetes

 

This is a whole new way of life!

Everything affects everything else!

I have type 2 diabetes, but I don't take insulin. I take a pill called Glipizide.

I started out taking ten mg. twice a day, thirty minutes before eating and even then I had to drastically reduce any and all carbs and sugars to make it work.

Now, having lost twenty pounds, everything is different. I am good at eliminating carbs, but because of that and because of the lost weight, my new problem is low blood sugar at night.

My doctor cut the medicine in half. Now it is five mg. twice a day, but two days ago I bottomed out in the middle of the night. My blood sugar dropped to forty, seventy is low, and I was so confused I didn't know what to do. 

It was terrifying!

It happened again last night, but I caught it a little earlier and ate a tablespoon of honey. All of this creates a new problem. When your blood sugar drops really low at night, it rises higher the next morning.

Today I only took one pill in the morning and I added 22 grams of carbs at dinner. I feel like a science experiment. 

It is possible I am going to go off the medicine all together, but we aren't sure yet. I am still want to keep losing weight, but I am also not wanting to find myself confused, sweating buckets, and shaking like a leaf.

My doctor tells me I am moving in the right direction, but the path is shaky.

Single women

 

I looked up best place for single women to move to, or retire to.

It was disappointing.

Every article seemed to assume that the first thing a single woman was looking for was a man!

Surely women have other needs that supersede that one.

I was hoping for things like Meetup groups for women with various interests, or local interests of some sort.

I was wondering about the weather in winter and transportation.

I was looking for a place where an older woman might conceivably make a new life for herself and connect even though her children were grown and she was retired.

I don't know all the things I was looking for, but a man was not one of them!

I am not averse to meeting a man, but it seems to me it should come as a by product of bigger interests. Then if a relationship seems worthwhile, we could pursue it, but the last thing I am looking for is a city far far away that has lots of available men looking for women.

Elegant

I think almost anyone can be good, or bad, but it takes a bit of know how to be elegant.

Elegant is more than a look, more than an action, it is more of a style, a way to do things. 

Being elegant requires someone to know just how much of a flourish is not too much or too little. It must be noticeable without being flamboyant, or garish.

It is that soft rich tone of voice that is not sexy or childish, promising unspoken delights, aided and abetted by sparkling eyes.

Elegant is an art.

To everything there is a season

 

The kids seem to be in new, but good places and I am in the process of finding a healthier way of living.

This will be the season of our success.

The world is constantly changing and that seems to be a good thing.

All of the old ways are fading, as usual, and among the regrets are new understandings that reveal possibilities heretofore un-thought of. 

I am always amazed when that happens even though it is nothing new.

Growth requires some pains and some stretching out of belief systems in order to allow new ways to take root, but the life that bubbles up out of it is worth whatever it takes.

Routines

 

I have been told that routines are good. 

I am not generally good at them.

I am the kind of person who prefers to take a new route every time she goes somewhere, but I have been trying to establish a routine since last Wednesday.

Every morning I get up, make coffee, get on the scale and weigh myself, then check my blood sugar. I record both of those on my calendar before taking the morning medicine and going in to play Words with Friends.

I drink my coffee and mess around on my computer until Bestest calls, then I take my diabetes medicine and prepare brunch. 

I take a nap in the afternoon, do something around the apartment and wait until it's time to take my diabetes medicine in the evening. Then, while waiting for it to take effect, I draw a picture for Bestest and do any cooking necessary for dinner.

After dinner I clean everything up, brush and floss my teeth and watch television until it is time to read.

I read until Bestest texts me goodnight, then I go to bed and repeat it all.

The only changes are when my son calls, or I need to go to the grocery store.

It seems to be working. 

My doctor wants me to lose weight and lower my blood sugar. I am doing a great job on both of those.

I wonder if he expects me to have a quality life doing this?

It IS a comfortable life, but it is not what I would call a quality one.

Perhaps if I do it long enough I will discover something else I can do without messing up the routine.